Tierische Definitionen von A wie Affe bis Z wie Zoobesuch

Zitate und Aphorismen sind ein besonderes Steckenpferd (neudeutsch = Hobby) von mir. Ich habe ein wunderschönes Notizbuch, in dem ich sie sammle. Heute möchte ich Ihnen eine Auswahl von boshaften tierischen Definitionen präsentieren – viel Spaß!

Affe: ein Tier, das auf Bäumen lebt, besonders gern auf Stammbäumen.
Ambrose Bierce

Berberaffe auf einem baum - Foto: © Martina Berg

Berberaffe auf einem baum – Foto: © Martina Berg

Austern: Meerestiere, die so miserabel schmecken, dass sie niemand essen würde, wenn sie nicht so teuer wären.
Anonym

Balzruf: Das Heiratsinserat der Vögel.
Jürgen Herrmann




Dackel: ein Tier, das halb so hoch ist wie ein Hund und doppelt so lang.
Anonym

Dackel bei einer Hundevorführung - Foto: © Martina Berg

Dackel bei einer Hundevorführung – Foto: © Martina Berg

Dackel: ein Hund, der Jemanden an der Leine hat.
Ernst Waldbrunn

Elefant: ein Tier, das wegen seiner Farbe leicht mit Mäusen verwechselt wird.
Anonym

Elefant: ein gefährliches Tier, denn aus seinen Stoßzähnen werden Klaviertasten gemacht.
Johannes Brahms

Faultier: ein Kollege, der noch weniger leistet als man selbst.
Michael Schiff

Fisch: ein Lebewesen, das immer dann auf Urlaub geht, wenn auch die Angler gerade Urlaub machen.
Anonym

Fliegengitter: eine Vorrichtung an Fenstern, die Fliegen daran hindert, das Zimmer zu vrlassen.
Anonym

Frosch: ein Lurch mit eßbaren Schenkeln.
Ambroce Bierce

Gackern: die Geburt eines Eies feiern.
Ambroce Bierce

Giraffe: ein Periskop, mit dem man die Horizonte der Wüste wahrnimmt.
Ramón Gómez de la Serna

Netzgiraffe - Foto: © Martina Berg

Netzgiraffe – Foto: © Martina Berg

Gnu: ein Tier, das vorwiegend in Kreuzworträtseln vorkommt.
Anonym



Gräten: Die Rache des Fisches
Anonym

Haushund: ein scheußliches Untier, das gehalten wird, um Vorübergehende zu beleidigen und den verwegenen Besucher zu erschrecken.
Ambrose Bierce

Hummer: der Hering der Diplomaten.
Roger Peyrefitte

Hund: ein von Flöhen bewohnter Organismus, der bellt.
Gottfried Wilhelm Freiherr von Leibniz

Igel: der Kaktus des Tierreichs.
Ambrose Bierce

Kabeljau: ein aus Scheiben gamchter Fisch.
Ramón Gómez de la Serna

Känguru: ein Versuch der Natur, einen verkehrssicheren Fußgänger zu entwickeln.
Anonym

Känguru-Mutter mit Nachwuchs - Foto: © Martina Berg

Känguru-Mutter mit Nachwuchs – Foto: © Martina Berg

Känguru: Wappentier der Finanzminister – macht auch mit leerem Beutel große Sprünge.
Anonym

Kamel: ein Pferd mit einem zu engen Hüftgürtel.
Anonym

Kamel: ein Pferd, zu dem ein persönlicher Referent einen Entwurf gemacht hat.
Horst Ehmke

Katze: Miniaturlöwe, der Mäuse mag, Hunde nicht leiden kann und den Menschen toleriert.
Anonym

Katze: weicher, unzerstörbarer Automat, von der Natur erschaffen, damit wir danach treten können, wenn in der Familie etwas schief geht.
Ambrose Bierce

Katze: das einzige vierbeinige Tier, das dem Menschen eingeredet hat, er müsse es erhalten, es brauche aber dafür nichts zu tun.
Kurt Tucholsky

Köter: unterster Rang der Hundehierarchie.
Ambrose Bierce

Krebse: Tiere, die den Eindruck erwecken, als wollten sie weggehen, wenn sie kommen.
Anonym

Kuhzunge - Foto: © Martina Berg

Kuhzunge – Foto: © Martina Berg

Kuh: nichts als eine Maschine, die Gras für uns Menschen genießbar macht.
John McNulty

Leopard: das einzige Wesen auf Erden, das ein Leopardenfell wirklich braucht.
Heinrich Binder

Maikäfer: eine im Juni vorkommende Käferart.
Anonym

Maus: ein Tier, dessen Pfad mit in Ohnmacht fallenden Frauen übersät ist.
Ambroce Bierce

Ochsen: Die Bullen mit der hohen Stimme.
Herbert Fricke

Ozelot: der einzige, der einen Ozelot wirklich braucht.
Bernhard Grzimek

Pfau: ein blühendes Huhn.
Definition eines Kindes

Blauer Pfau - Foto: © Martina Berg

Blauer Pfau – Foto: © Martina Berg

Pferdeverstand: das, was Pferde davon abhält, auf künftiges Verhalten der Menschen zu wetten.
Oscar Wilde

Raupe: ein gepolsterter Wurm.
Anonym

Schnecke: winziges Meterband, mit dem Gott das Land ausmißt.
Andrade Jorge Carrera

Tiere: die unterhaltsamsten Stars im Fernsehen.
Rochus Bassauer

Tsetsefliege: ein afrikanisches Insekt, dessen Stich allgemein als das wirksamste natürliche Mittel gegen Schlaflosigkeit gilt, obwohl manche Patienten amerikanische Romanschriftsteller vorziehen.
Ambrose Bierce

Uhu: gefiederte Katze.
Ramón Gómez de la Serna

Wölfe: Haifische auf dem Lande.
Jack London

Wolf - Foto: © Martina Berg

Wolf – Foto: © Martina Berg

Zebra: ein Pferd hinter Gittern.
Anonym

Zebra: ein Tier, das sein Röntgenbild außen trägt.
Ramón Gómez de la Serna

Zoobesuch: unbewußter Ahnenkult.
Fernandel

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Über Martina Berg (450 Artikel)
Bogenschützin, Antiquarin, Bloggerin und Fotografin aus dem Lipperland. Bogenschützen finden auf www.bogensport-deutschland.de interessante Informationen und Bogensport-Artikel.

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