Der Lacher zwischendurch: tierische Witze

Ein kleiner Igel hat sich ein einem Gewächshaus verirrt. Immer wenn er an einen Kaktus stößt, fragt er ängstlich: „Bist du das, Mami?“

Zwei Igel treffen sich. Einer hat eine verbundene Pfote. „Was hast du denn gemacht?“ fragt sein Freund besorgt. „Ich habe mich gekratzt!“

Foto: © miguel sanchez - Fotolia.com

Foto: © miguel sanchez – Fotolia.com

Ein Mann hatte einen ziemlich heiteren Abend und steht am Morgen mit einem mächtigen Brummschädel auf. Er zieht die Gardinen auf und traut seinen Augen kaum. Dort unten in seinem Hinterhof ist ein ausgewachsener Eisbär an der Laterne angebunden. Der Mann denkt sich „Gestern hast du aber wirklich übertrieben“, reibt sich noch mal die Augen und zwickt sich in die Backen, aber es hilft nichts, der Eisbär steht immer noch dort. Da er ein Tierfreund ist, zieht er sich an, geht nach unten und nimmt den Bären mit aufs Polizeirevier, um zu fragen, was er bloß mit dem Tier machen soll. Der Polizeibeamte dort sagt ihm: „Tja guter Mann, am besten gehen sie mit ihm in den Zoo.“ Der Mann bedankt sich und zottelt mit dem Eisbären davon. Am anderen Tag begegnet der Polizist dem Mann zufällig in der Stadt und der hat das Tier immer noch bei sich. Sagt der Polizist: „Sagen sie mal, habe ich ihnen nicht gesagt, daß sie mit dem Eisbären in den Zoo gehen sollen?“ – „Ja klar“, entgegnet der Mann, „da waren wir gestern ja auch, aber heute gehen wir ins Kino.“

Foto: © Martina Berg

Gehen zwei Eisbären durch die Wüste. Sagt der eine zum anderen: „Der Winter muss hier aber ziemlich hart gewesen sein.“ Verwundert fragt der andere: „Wie kommst Du denn darauf?“ „Na, guckt doch mal, wie viel Sand die hier gestreut haben!“

Kommt ein Mann in eine Tierhandlung und will einen Eisbären kaufen. Der Händler hat auch einen da, sagt aber: „Der ist sehr zahm und kuschelig, Sie dürfen ihn nur NIEMALS an die Nase fassen!“ Zu Hause ist dann auch alles ganz prima, bis der Mann eines Tages denkt „Ich halt das nicht mehr aus! Ich muß ihn an die Nase fassen!“ Er tut’s und der Eisbär springt mit Gebrüll auf ihn los. Der Mann rennt weg, Treppe rauf, Treppe runter, um den Wohnzimmertisch, um den Küchentisch, der Eisbär immer knapp dahinter. Schließlich kann der Mann nicht mehr, der Eisbär erreicht ihn, haut ihm von hinten mit seiner Pranke auf die Schulter und sagt: „Du bist!“

Zwei Frösche sitzen am Wasser, als es plötzlich anfängt zu regnen. Sagt der eine zum anderen“ Schnell, lass uns ins Wasser hüpfen, sonst werden wir noch nass.“




Als die Tiere in Noahs Arche gingen, stockte plötzlich der Zug. Da sagte der Frosch zur Giraffe: „Guck mal, was da los ist!“ Die Giraffe reckte den langen Hals und sagte dann seufzend: „Das kann noch länger dauern. Der Tausendfüssler zieht sich die Hausschuhe an!“

Foto: © Martina Berg

Ein Dieb steigt in ein Haus ein und sucht nach Wertgegenständen. Plötzlich hört er eine Stimme: „Ich kann dich sehen, und Jesus und Petrus sehen Dich auch!“ Der Einbrecher zuckt zusammen, sieht sich sich um, kann aber nichts entdecken. Im nächsten Zimmer das gleiche Spiel. Jetzt entdeckt er einen Papagei in einem Käfig, der eben diese Worte spricht. Der Dieb ist beruhigt und fragt den Papagei: „Wie heisst du denn?“ Papagei: „Jerusalem.“ Der Dieb: „Was für ein saublöder Name für einen Papagei!“ Papagei: „Ja, aber nicht so dumm wie Jesus und Petrus für den Rottweiler und den Dobermann.“

Auf der Polizeiwache klingelt das Telefon. „Kommen Sie sofort. Es geht um Leben und Tod. Hier in der Wohnung ist eine Katze!“ schallt es aus dem Hörer. Der Beamte erkundigt sich: „Wer ist denn am Apparat?“ – „Der Papagei.“

Foto: © Martina Berg

„Ich habe da ein Prachtexemplar für Sie, gnädige Frau“, sagt der Verkäufer zu der Kundin, die einen Papagei kaufen will, „der spricht Deutsch, Englisch und Französisch.“ – „Wann spricht er denn Englisch?“, fragt die Kundin. „Wenn Sie an seinem linken Fuß ziehen.“ – „Und wann spricht er Französisch?“ – „Wenn Sie an seinem rechten Fuß ziehen.“ – „Und was geschieht“, will die Kundin jetzt wissen, „wenn ich an beiden Füssen gleichzeitig ziehe?“ Krächzt der Papagei: „Dann fall ich von der Stange, du blöde Kuh!“

Ihnen gefällt dieser Beitrag? Dann teilen Sie ihn doch bitte in Ihren sozialen Netzwerken – und folgen Sie mir auf meiner Facebookseite!

Über Martina Berg (450 Artikel)
Bogenschützin, Antiquarin, Bloggerin und Fotografin aus dem Lipperland. Bogenschützen finden auf www.bogensport-deutschland.de interessante Informationen und Bogensport-Artikel.

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